Garage Sell Grandmas

With fanny pack in place like a cowboy ready to draw, the gorgeous grandma club rallied together for a cup of coffee and a piece of coffee cake early Saturday morning. Before straddling their spot in the van for a morning of galloping around the Dobson Ranch annual garage sell they shared grandma stories and caught up on past news. "How many grandchildren do you have now? Who got married? How many does this make? What are your children doing in Thailand?" Alot can happen in a month.

 There's nothing like acres of homesteaders sharing their wares in one long loop around the arena. With a keen eye roaming to and fro at each stop the gorgeous grandmas managed to buy everything from car seats, to puppets, books and little girl and boy outfits . Each gorgeous grandma filled their spot in the van with treasures for guess who, their grandchildren! Yes lucky them!

Just one more grand event in the life of a grandma! Ye Haw!

Try this recipe for the coffee cake. It is easy and super good.

Apple Crunch Coffee Cake

2 cups chopped and peeled apples       Combine all ingredients in order listed.

2 cups flour                                          Spread thick batter in a greased and

2 cups sugar                                         floured 13x9x2 in pan.

1 cup vegetable oil                                Bake at 350 for 55 mins.

2 eggs

2 tsp cinnamon

2 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp salt

1 cup nuts

Hey! What's on Your Mind

" I just don't know why he doesn't get it. Why can't he understand the way I feel? "
"Well, have you told him how you feel?"
Long pause with disgusted look.
"No"
"Then why do you expect him to know how you feel if you don't tell him?" as usual having an answer but not necessarily doing it myself...hmmm as my own light bulb went off. I had an ah ha moment!
I remember this conversation vividly 30 years ago as my girlfriend and I sat in the car discussing why husbands can't or don't always seem to meet our need of the moment. It's hard to believe this was actually the solution to the "devastating" problem, but it was as simple as just sharing her thoughts with him. And believe it or not it was an ah ha moment. I guess we really believed our husbands should know how and why we feel the way we do and  be able to magically make it better and intuitively have the solution.
Now that I say that maybe that comes from the intuitive mom with eyes in back of her head. She seemed to know everything! Even the things you didn't want her to know. Was I expecting that gift to transfer to my new live in partner?
Transitioning into marriage and not realizing you just ventured into a journey of learning about a whole new way of life apart from every familiar path you came from,  knowing that mom or dad will not be there to figure things out for you AND that you just might have to hit a few bumps to get yourself into some kind of living momentum with this person can seem like an endless SAT exam.
Some of the most important lessons I've learned... (blog post)

Number 1

No one knows what you are thinking so don't expect them to know. Express yourself about how you are feeling and what you are expecting.

Now mind you I've learned  there is an art to this. You just can't spew all over every time you think someone should be listening to you. But you do have to realize that each person is unique and individual with their own perceptions of life. This can sometimes be challenging to get your point across. But if you don't try you will give that person an opportunity to come up with a perception that could be totally false. And that my friend can make you feel misunderstood, disappointed or hurt and many times cause you to slip into the bubble bath of self-pity.

I've watched my grown children and their spouses dance around issues because one or the other won't say what they really mean. Its called pleasing. The notion is.... I want to do this right. I don't want them to think --fill in the blank--about me. It's the beginner dance that is out of beat and stepping on toes. And we do it in all areas of our life...not just our marriages.

Once we get the steps down we begin to pretend we have the beat, but reality states that even moving together can  hide our true thoughts behind the beautiful ballroom mask. Over time the mask starts to slowly slip down revealing bits and pieces of our true identity.When alas! The true face comes into full view!

Things can really start to change. Yikes! And it ain't always pretty:(

So I learn to use "I" messages instead of "you always". I express myself knowing that not all people will agree with me all of the time and some of the people will some of the time. I get it that I am not always right and  there are several ways to do the same thing. Speaking out just gives an opportunity to say "you know now how I feel and what I need. Can you help?" or "what are your thoughts on that?" I learn to deal with my feelings of rejection when someone still doesn't go where I want them to. And my feelings of fear that someone might reject my opinions or ideas. I've even learned to keep my mouth shut after I have expressed my view if it doesn't bring life to a situation. O dear, I sound like I have this all figured out and I do this perfectly. Nope. I've just learned  that I matter and what I say matters. I am still learning too.

 Can I really give all the pros and cons of expressing yourself  in a nutshell of a blog? No. Life has a way of teaching each of us as if we were His only child.
All I know is that you may end up with an appliance instead of roses if you don't talk! Even Facebook wants to know "What's on your mind!"
Book resource "TrueFaced" by Bill Thrall, Bruce McNicol, and John Lynch

Some of the Most Important Lessons I've Learned

 I don't know as much about my mother and father's back ground as I would like. Every time that I tried to get some information I felt like they told me the same stories over and over. My mom played sports...she loved sports...mostly basketball...she was the peace maker in her home growing up. My dad played baseball and was in the navy. He always responded to my questions with "Why do you want to know? Are you writing a book or something"
Wellll...maybe. Fortunately, I have 4 sisters and between all of us asking questions we have a sketchy look into their upbringing and early years of marriage.

 We seem to easily remember the things that have made it into "the file of important events" in our memory cabinet but other things have to be triggered. And if you don't know the right questions to ask its like anticipating a day of shopping at the big sale and coming home empty-handed.

I have a "Mother's Legacy" book that I have been writing  in for my children and grandchildren. It has provoking questions to help me write down my life in a nutshell. So far it's been a good trigger for those memories that I've buried. Some pleasant..some not so pleasant, but all in all good for me to relive. I've had some "ah ha" moments about myself and the way I react or respond to current events in my life. And, o boy, my kids and grandkids will "get" to have a record of my oh so eventful life!

I was rather excited when I came to the page that said... Recall for me some of the most important lessons you have learned from life.

WOW really? The invisible interviewer of my book actually wants to know what I've learned the hard way. I mean come on! Who doesn't want to shout from the rooftop "I GET IT! Gather around so I can tell you what not to do!"

As I enthusiastically pondered this challenge I came up with 10 things.

So...aren't you lucky...if you are reading this you too will get to contemplate some of my life's lesson......I think I will definitely need some feedback.

Some of the most important lessons I've learned:

 1. No one knows what you are thinking, so don't expect them to know. Express yourself about how you are feeling or what you are expecting.
2. In  alot of cases some people don't have a clue if they just hurt you or offended you. Think the best of people and extend grace and forgive. You've probably done the same thing to someone.
3. God loves us soooo much. He is not trying to squelch our fun!
4. To the best of your ability make people feel welcomed and loved.
5. Some body language can be harmful to you and to others.
6.You really do reap what you sow.
7. Listen and hear what someone is really saying. It takes getting your focus off of yourself.
8. Everyone wants to be loved and accepted. Selfishness is the enemy and he wears camouflage.
9. What you call annoying can be someones insecurity.
10. Moms and dads are just people too.
Although I could come up with so many more life lessons and even have categories to file them under, these ten "commandments"encompass an array of morals to my stories and life experiences. I just might write about how I came up with each of these. Hmmm good idea, Peg. Give me 10 months to do it :)

Seize the Day!

O well, I"ve done it again. I've waited a whole 2 months to write. Where does the time go? I look at all my friend's posts and wonder "how do they find time?" Even my daughter-in-law started writing again with a new baby, not to mention my young friend who home schools her 3 boys with a baby girl on her hip. She writes everyday, I think. I am a grandmother who works part-time and no children at home. I think (I know) I waste a lot of time.
I just read my daily devotional. The title was Carpe Diem: Seize the Day! Ok so I'm trying to apply what I just read.
At age 60 an amazing thing happens. You start to ask yourself what would my bucket list consist of, what adventures can I embark on or what new thing can I try out (like writing :)) Actually, these questions have  been slowly evolving since my kids left our home 10 years ago. My husband and I turned and looked at each other for the first time after 20 years as our boys embarked on their adventure towards starting their own families.
Don't get me wrong. I knew the day was coming when my boys would fly the coop and these two turtle doves would be left wondering what happened and what to do after 20 years of being comforter, provider, question answerer, sports enthusiast, teacher, medical assistant, religious scholar, leader, public relations director, trip advisor, money manager, chauffeur, and anything else you can think of playing the all encompassing roll as a parent. We actually started praying about this when our boys were in their teen years at the prompting of comments I had heard from my older women friends about how hard it was when their children left home. And ...my husband and I had our monthly date nights to keep in touch with each other.
But its a shock when it actually happens and you realize how much time and energy you have invested in your children and family. You have fully identified yourself as MOTHER and wife and now you have become an adult friend to your children and husband. It feels very awkward.
Somehow you figure out through painful trial and error how to do it.  I have had to find out who I really am and how does a MOTHER transition into a FRIEND. And  what I am good at besides high expectations and giving advice? Hmmm I think I mentioned trying to figure that out in my 40's  in my blog post Turning 60. Parenting kept me motivated to keep learning, keep caring, keep dying to myself for the sake of those young ones. No one was born already knowing how to be a parent or any job title we choose. It was the career I chose and I wanted to be good at it.
Now it is just him and me. And guess what... you keep learning, you keep caring and you keep dying to yourself for the sake of your lover. And we are doing it together; making a bucket list, embarking on new adventures, and trying new things (like smart phones  :) ) I want to finish well and I want to be the best wife, companion and friend.

Yes! Carpe Diem! Seize the day! 

We Did It, Charlie Brown

                Welcome grandmas and grandpas, gogos and granddads, marmees and macs, omas and opas, mi mis, lu lus, ya yas, papas and pops to the first ever gorgeous grandma Christmas pageant!
                               Introducing                   26                         fabulous grandchildren!

Would you believe the gorgeous grandmas pulled off a Christmas pageant with 26 of their grandchildren, most of whom were under the age of 8? The infamous Grandma Lu Lu had a great idea to reenact the very same pageant she did so many years ago with her own children. I have to admit after the first rehearsal I wondered if Lu Lu was going to go over the edge! 15 children ranging between 2 and 6 can be a little chaotic.

We had about 4 rehearsals before the big performance running through the program at least 2 times each time. The first one always went pretty well but the second one was full of nose picking, toe nail biting, poking, pushing, wiggles, giggles and potty breaks. All in all Lu Lu stayed focus teaching and instructing on where to stand, when was your cue, singing LOUDER , and stand up, sit down.

Each grandma made sure their grandchildren had the appropriate costume for their part. Then the dress rehearsal! adorable! Shepherds and kings, Mary and Joseph, angels and stars! Tu tus and robes, gifts and staffs! Good job grandmas!

What an absolute blessing to be able to see your children's children and your very close friends children's children come together to be a community of friendships that keep on through the generations. I am so glad I started the gorgeous grandma club 6 years ago. It has kept our friendships close, our smiles big and being a grandparent quite fulfilling.

Summer Days

Ahhhhh! Summer! Lazy days, watermelon, swimming, sunburns, weekly reader, homemade ice cream and HEAT...HOT HOT HOT. Geez I remember growing up in Phx where we ran around all day with no shoes. The sidewalks were so hot they say you could fry an egg on them! But we did it anyway...skipping from yard to walk or any patch of grass we could find yelping ouch! ouch! ouch! all the way to the Circle K on the corner. It was worth it, though, looking for pop bottles we could turn into the store to buy penny candy: black licorice, bazooka, and red hot fireballs. After the clerk assessed our finds and made a fair exchange we hopped and ran home cramming as many sticks of black licorice into our mouths as we could at one time. Our teeth and tongue would be blaaaaaack! The finish line was a mad dash into the back yard and a jump into the pool. Then it was a race to see who could hold their breath the longest under water or who could swim down to the drain and back up the fastest.  At the end of the day we would come inside with sunburned shoulders and a bright red nose.
 Oooo those were the days....I sound like someones grandma! penny candy, pop bottles, weekly readers?
I can't believe how time flys. My childhood is becoming more vague as I get older and the freshest memories are when my children were little. You are a child for such a small part of your life. If we only could of grasped that then, we probably wouldn't have been in such a hurry to grow up.
The Bible tells us to come as a little child into the Kingdom of God. Why do you suppose He requests that of us? Could it be the trusting faith that a small child has and the full dependence on his guardian? Or is it the joy that comes with being  free from responsibility! Maybe its because we are wide-eyed and full of wonder, ever so curious and teachable.... Maybe its because our countenance is so adorable and peaceful...maybe its because we love unconditionally.Could it be that we are less inhibited...we will sing or dance or draw a picture with no critical afterthought.

God knew when He created us that these first years of life would be a model for us to believe, trust and love a Heavenly Father. He says He can do all things. Nothing is too difficult for Him. What is impossible with men is possible with God. He will never leave us or forsake us. Can I believe Him? The One who got down on His knees and shaped man from the dust of the earth and then breathed life into him? Every other created thing was spoken but God knelt down and formed man, then gave man his very life through His own breath.  He is the epitome of a Father. What  your earthly father was unable to give Jesus can more than give you.  Help me to be as a little child.

My children are grown but I now have grandchildren to remind me of a small child's innocent attributes. With much patience, love and just the enjoyment of delighting in their very presence, I understand more this time around about how the Father sees me. I do not get angry when my grandchildren throw a fit or don't share or look at me with that "I didn't do it" look. I just redirect and then mostly smile and think to myself about the preciousness of their very existence and their responses to my overwhelming love for them. I've built a relationship with them and they can trust me, love me and just have fun with me. I am never disappointed in their behaviour or their attempts to vie for my attention. I just plain love them. I can see the unique gifts and talents already revealing themselves through their play and interests and encourage them in that direction. It is God's beautiful opportunity to remind me of His love and relationship with me!

Matt. 19:14 "Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of heaven"
1 Kings 3:7b ... I am a little child; I do not know how to go out or come in. 3:9 Therefore give Your servant an understanding heart to judge Your people, that I may discern between good and evil."

Turning 60

This birthday I will be turning 60. Oh my! It makes me feel like a real grandma. But you know 60 is the new 40! I loved my 40's! It was the best decade of my life thus far.
I've talked to many women who didn't like turning 30, 40, 50 or 60! For me 30 was hard because at the time I was out shopping with my 16 year old niece. The body image in the mirror, as we tried on clothes,  was already manifesting its age. Ha! Ha! I laugh now. What was it I saw? It couldn't have been anything like what I see in the mirror now!
At 40 my husband threw me a surprise birthday party. The restaurant was filled with many of our long time friends and I was absolutely surprised when I walked in the door. So surprised I almost threw up. I really don't like surprises at all! Shouldn't he know that by now? Part of the party plan was to take video shots of friends sharing stories of my relationship with them over the years. When I reviewed the clips after the party  I had a shocking eye-opener! Almost every story( not all but most) were more about my husband and "Our" relationship with "Our" friends than about me and my relationships. Mrs. Introvert was there in the shadow of her Mr. Extrovert, relational, life-of-the party husband ...I love that guy! Well it opened my eyes for the good! My 40's was a decade of discovering myself and my talents. I was not going to have another birthday without me knowing who I was or without You knowing who I am, for that matter.

 By the time I turned 50 I was ready to plan my own party with 50 girlfriends, a karaoke machine and just a whole lot of fun. With the help of a couple of friends(Anita and Pam, my headlight dancin buddies) we actually pulled it off. We dressed up in 50's costume and danced and sang...just us girls, all night long.

Turning 60... I don't have any plans yet. I'm leaning more towards visiting my son in NC that week. He's having his first child in Dec. and just started a new job. I want to see my daughter-in-law in her first months of pregnancy. I want to see where they live. It's going to be hard having a long distance relationship with my newest grandchild. I haven't had to do that yet. Turning 60...I think I am more like a grandma....but I still love to dance, have fun, hang out with my girlfriends and just live life! For now... I still have 10 weeks and 3 days left to be 59! Happy dance!!!