The Fifth Most Important Lesson...for me

The fifth most important lesson I've learned in life.(Blog Post: 10 Most Important Things I've Learned)

5. Some body language can be harmful to you and to others.

A picture paints a thousand words, right? You probably never related that to body language.

The door opens and in walk my 3 adorable grandchildren....great big smiles, each one marching pass me with their own way of saying "I'm glad to be here!" O bless me! a squeal, a high five or a hug...no words just yet.

Or...my little precious 2 year old grandson who lives many miles away. Walks in hesitantly, staring with bewilderment ....not sure just what to do. Gogo walks towards him but he turns toward mommy or daddy. Yea it breaks my little heart but I also know we don't see each other much so we have to go slow and warm up to each other.

That is the unspoken language of love, faith, and hope. No words needed.

But..
Do you know what shame, guilt, disapproval and rejection look like when communicated with your body? Words are bad enough and can leave scars that are not easily forgotten, but body language can be just as harmful. Sticks and stones can hurt your body and so can your body hurt others.
A very well known cliche is "its better just to say nothing if you can't say something nice". Well maybe...that can be true... but I think either way can be hurtful if we aren't motivated by love. What we don't say acts itself out in our movements and facial expressions.
Some of us feel that we are masters at deciding what some one is thinking and that can also cause misunderstandings created by our body language. Only you know what is the motive behind your movement. But body language can be a tale tale sign that you or someone does not approve of what was said or done or even the way someone looks.
My mom, like many moms, was pretty good at projecting her disapproving "you should feel guilty" look on me. She would scowl when she saw me doing something she did not like. I can still see that face. I can feel the shame of not meeting the expectation of the one person I really wanted to approve of me. So guess what I thought.. you should scowl when someone does something wrong.
Scowling across life at my own children and husband and probably friends I produced the same expression passed down to me thinking it would get results...change your ways, get with the program, you're embarrassing me. NOT! No! it does not produce the kind of results you might be looking for. Change your ways, get with the program or you're embarrassing me expressions need guidance, suggestions and direction. Words please... Da! Why do we think we can change anyone by our judgments aka body language.
Matt 7:2 For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you.
I have a friend who told me her daddy always said, "If you spot it, you got it" Its not Jesus's words but its saying basically the same thing as Matt 7:2.
If you are judging someone for something they have said, done or even the way they look its more than likely the same way you judge yourself about what you do, say or the way you look. That's why you recognize it and that's why you despise it and that's why you use your body to communicate it. You don't like it about yourself and you don't like it in other people.
My challenge for you is to try this out next time you are deciding to punish someone with your judgments. Double check and ask yourself if you do the same thing. More than likely you do and if you are convinced that you don't then ask someone close to you if they think you do. Try it. You probably won't like it. BUT! You may find your relationships will grow if you learn to talk it out instead of acting it out.

All and all I just know I have hurt people with my scowling look, my ignoring ways, my quick jerks to the side or folded arms.
I'm truly sorry...lesson learned.

Can you guess what these 4 are thinking. :)

All You Need is Love

O the precious gorgeous grandmas! I put out a request at the begining of the year, 2014, to make this year a year to reach out and help others. I had a great response. We had moved away from the original purpose of the grandma club...to reach out to the less fortunate. We continued meeting doing crafts for ourselves and our grandkids, having coffee, dinner or ice cream together, but no real outreach. I missed those opportunities we had done in the past...making sock monkeys for the crisis nursery, paper beads for women in Africa, scrap book photo albums for people in the hospital, Christmas baskets for shut-ins...the list goes on and it's all blogged :). So back on track grandmas!
We have in our group several families whose children or family members are serving in the mission field. One family has children in Africa serving the dying, one in Thailand housing and helping girls and boys get out of sex trafficking, one in Mexico carrying on a dream her and her late husband forged together. It's beautiful and touching hearing the stories, but it's hard work and they need support!Our goal this year is to see if we can help somehow.
Right here in my own back yard my husband and I had started challenging each other to become mini misionaries with the scripture out of Matt:25. When I was hungry you fed me, when I was thirsty you gave me something to drink, when I was in prison you visited me, when I was naked you clothed me, when I was sick you came to me. The part of this scripture that really challenged me is when believers reply back to Jesus. They respond by saying "when did we feed you, when did we give you drink, when did we visit you, when did we clothe you?" Then Jesus replies, "When you did it to the least of these you did it to me."
How come those people didn't pat themselves on the back and say "Hey You noticed! Awesome!" It was the opposite. They didn't even know they were manifesting the heart of Jesus through compassion and care and it seems they didn't even care that no one saw what they were doing. Could it be their hearts were so transformed that they didn't think twice about helping someone?
I know some of us are naturally gifted in serving. My husband is one of them. I think God gave some people that gift so at least there would be somebody who would reach out even if it was inconvenient. But that's just it. When it's done in our own strength and in our own time there may not be the unconditional love that goes with it. I've noticed even gifted servers want to do it when its convenient and when its done on their time schedule or maybe even expect something in return. I think when we have a heart that's transformed through the power of the Holy Spirit we are able to lay down our own expectations and do what's needed for that person at that moment. I confess, serving in some areas is not my forte. I would much rather direct, tell you what to do and how to do it. But the Lord is teaching me to love out of His love. To see people the way He sees them. To care.
4. To the best of your ability make people feel welcomed and loved.
This is my fourth lesson I've learned about life.
Have you ever walked into a room full of people you know and felt so alone? It can happen, especially if you are inclined to be more introverted. We want people to approach us, we want to know someone noticed us when we walked through that door, we want to be loved. That is the universal need. Everyone wants to be loved. So I am learning to notice people and to make them feel like they've been noticed. Once again in God's upside down kingdom the very thing you want is produced by dong the opposite action. I want to be noticed, start noticing others, I want to feel included, start including others, I want to feel loved, start loving others.
Well, that's not natural for me. I can't fake it! Haha. I've said that so many times and I've gotten the same results by behaving the same way....expecting people to come to me. They sometimes don't, they sometimes won't and you always can. You may feel like a fake in the beginging but because your heart wants something different it will change.
I should say that I have had people who loved on me many times and I'm sure that's what validates my expectation, but we are not inherently good. We have a very selfish sin nature that wants to be nutured. If you don't believe me just do a quick inventory next time you do something "good". You will probably find it feels proud, or successful and you are hoping someone noticed. Is that all bad? No, in fact that is the very need God placed in us to let us know we need Him. He is the ultimate lover, noticer, comforter, rewarder and esteem builder. In fact, if you let Him meet all those expectations, you will feel less rejected and unloved. Your expectations will decrease. You will get the revelation that everyone feels just like you and that is why only God can fill that void. So whose gona make the first move. To the best of your ability make people feel welcomed and loved and you will too.

The gorgeous grandmas put together homeless bags to give to people on the street, letting them know someone cares and someone sees them. Finding out their name and chatting with them for awhile can help make them feel valued and loved. Who knows you may even make a friend.

I Get It!

  3. God loves us soooo much. He is not trying to squelch our fun!

My granddaughter and I had one of those " battle of the wills". She wanted a pretzel stick and I wanted her to finish her apple. Sounds pretty silly. This grandma has everything a little person would want. Cookies, candy, ice cream and chips but the only rule that goes along with those delicacies is you must eat something good for you first.

Granddad cut the apple up in several sections, giving a couple to each of the 3 grandchildren. The 7 yr old gobbled his apple sections right down, the 4 year old soon after but the 2 year old refused to finish her second piece after seeing the other two rewarded with a long pretzel stick. "I want a prethel! I want a Prethel!" You can't have a pretzel until you finish your apple. "Nooooooo!" Tears popping out of ducts, feet and arms swinging. "I Want a PRETHEL!"

Sound familiar? If you're a parent or a grandparent I'm sure you have had the opportunity to witness and/or enter the battle of the wills. Ok so this turned into a battle that I picked! O dear.... I lifted my granddaughter off the stool and sat her in time out. I held on to her while she screamed and kicked. In a calm voice I said "Katelynn, Go Go loves you and I want you to have a pretzel. Look at me. I WANT you to have a pretzel, but you have to eat your apple first."

Really.. that's all it took. She wanted to know I wanted her to have the pretzel! Some how in her little mind when I said she can't have a pretzel until she finishes her apple, all she heard was "she CAN'T". She sat right back up on her stool and finished her apple and soon after was rewarded with the pretzel stick.

We sure don't like the word "can't" at any age. And we definately want what we want! Are you wondering how I got my third life lesson "God loves us so much. He is not trying to squelch our fun?" Well go back and put yourself in the story. You be the grandaughter and your parent is God. How many decisions have you made that you insisted on doing or having what you wanted and those decisions may not have been the best choice for you? In some things we are like a 2 year old. We don't really know what's good for us and in some things we know exactly what we are doing but don't heed the warning that there will be a consequence down the road. That consequence almost always effects ourself negatively and the people we love. God knows that, just like I know my granddaughter should eat the apple first. I can hear you. What's so bad about a pretzel? Nothing..but in her case if she eats too many simple carbs it can cause some painful elimination down the road, if you know what I mean:) God WANTS you have the things you desire, but maybe done in moderation or maybe you need to wait or maybe its just not the best for you. He's got all the cakes and cookies you could want out of life. He's really not a big bad god whose trying to take all your fun away. He's a Loving Father who wants the very best for His kid!

The Andy Griffith Show

It's the Andy Griffith Show! Starring Andy Griffith and Ron Howard. Brought to you by the Gorgeous Grandma club!

Every day at noon, monday through friday, after a morning of homeschool drama, my boys and I would anticipate their dad walking through the door finished with work for the day, throw off his baseball cap, take off his boots and join the three of us in front of the TV with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich .

It was lunch time at the Donaldsons and we loved watching the kooky, ridiculous, but moral inducing TV entertainment...The Andy Griffith show.

When I first met my husband I witnessed him sitting in his apartment with his guy friends watching their favorite show.  It didn't take long for me to realize they all thought this was the best thing since sliced bread. It was a ritual every day for as long as my history with my husband goes back. They all slept in till 11:30 or 12 after closing the resturant/bar the night before then congregated in the nearest apartment. Yawning and rubbing their eyes they leaned forward as soon as they heard the whistling theme song. Then derogatory comments and gutteral laughing and snickering continued until the 30 min. show ended.

  I never understood why any of them liked the fumbling, bumbling deputy (my husbands favorite) or the town drunk (he always looked greasy), the plump Aunt Bea (who I swear these guys thought was real and often dreamt there would be a pie stting in their window when they returned to their apartment) or the goofy, simple minded gas attendent (Gomer or was it Goober). But they did and it didn't take long for my two little Opies to fall in love with their daddy's favorite retroTV show.

Over the years I have met other women with husbands who loooooove Mayberry and all it entails. And of course we have quickly become friends. By golly if you can get two men who have something in common like the Andy Griffith Show you have conquered the myth that men are not relational!

So......the gorgeous grandmas had a Mayberry gathering. We potlucked...

Miss Ellie brought Confetti Vegetables, Charlene brought Wilted Lettuce Salad, Helen brought Honor Rolls, Aunt Bea brought Write-On Chicken Marsala, and Thelma Lou brought Very Chocolate Cheesecake.

Miss Peggy supplied an array of soda pop. Opie, Andy, Harold, Goober, Barney, and Earnest T. all came. We enjoyed the delicious meal then watched an episode of the Andy Griffith show. O did I mention that there is a Bible study that goes along with several of the episodes? yup that's right! Someone capitalized on the man cave gathering actually realizing there were some pretty good moral endings to these shows. So we watched the episode (for those of you who know these shows frontwards and backwards) of Opie deciding he didn't want to work for his allowance anymore. Then we circled around the fire pit in the backyard dicussing why Andy said this and Opie did that.

One guy(I think it was Harold) commented that the show was not real.(obviously not an avid Mayberry fan) It was just a show and you can make anything happen in a show. It all turns out just the way it should! GASP! O my goodness, I think a slight prick tried to burst a bubble but the rest of them nipped it in the bud. Nope this was real life and these are real people with the same issues you and I have. We can learn from this! Such is life in the Mayberry bubble.

Number 2

NUMBER 2  from my  "Some of the Most Important Lessons I've Learned" blog post.


2. In  alot of cases some people don't have a clue if they just hurt you or offended you. Think the best of people and extend grace and forgive. You've probably done the same thing to someone.

Forgiveness...it's a way to start fresh.
Because I believe in Jesus, the ultimate forgiver, I have learned with out a doubt that forgiveness makes the heart grow fonder.
Some one once said "When you forgive it becomes your story not their story." such truth.

I suggested one day on a birthday road trip with my sisters and mom that we should invent a game called "Assume". Since  "assuming " can get you into trouble and almost always makes an "ASS out of U and ME" (wise words spoken from my little sister) it is a catalyst for offense. Jesus tells us not to be offended. As believers we are to brush the dust from our shoes and move on forgiving and leaving it all behind. So much easier when you read it, not so much easier to do it. I am talking about those day to day little foxes that get into your garden. The annoying, harrassing thoughts that we carry in our heads when we are judging or grumbling.  Someone just jabbed at you with a word or their body language looked rejecting. Let's play the Assuming Game! "She didn't even acknowledge me when she walked by! I must have done something wrong." "I haven't heard from him for days. I guess he took what I said seriously. I was just kidding!"
Yes Assumptions! Later you find she just found out her mom has cancer and she didn't notice you. Or he was so busy with the event he was in charge of he didn't have time to call and he can't even remember what you said a few days ago. So many of us have been in those places. So why not "assume" the best of someone rather than the worse. I don't know ...is it human nature?...maybe it's self centerness. It's more than likely a poor self image with super sized insecurities.

I have been caught in the middle of an explosive discussion because someone assumed I was doing something deliberately in spite of them. It just was not so no matter how I tried to explain my side of the situation. And I've been the one who has assumed. For that I have had regrets. So I have tried to quietly go to my prayer closet, sit before the ultimate Forgiver, and tell Him I forgive so and so even if they don't know they hurt me.

It works.... It changes my heart towards that person and I am released from my hurt feelings, my anger and feelings of rejection.  It becomes my story instead of theirs.

Take the high road and think the best of people. If it turns out to be wrong you haven't lost anything.

 

 

Garage Sell Grandmas

With fanny pack in place like a cowboy ready to draw, the gorgeous grandma club rallied together for a cup of coffee and a piece of coffee cake early Saturday morning. Before straddling their spot in the van for a morning of galloping around the Dobson Ranch annual garage sell they shared grandma stories and caught up on past news. "How many grandchildren do you have now? Who got married? How many does this make? What are your children doing in Thailand?" Alot can happen in a month.

 There's nothing like acres of homesteaders sharing their wares in one long loop around the arena. With a keen eye roaming to and fro at each stop the gorgeous grandmas managed to buy everything from car seats, to puppets, books and little girl and boy outfits . Each gorgeous grandma filled their spot in the van with treasures for guess who, their grandchildren! Yes lucky them!

Just one more grand event in the life of a grandma! Ye Haw!

Try this recipe for the coffee cake. It is easy and super good.

Apple Crunch Coffee Cake

2 cups chopped and peeled apples       Combine all ingredients in order listed.

2 cups flour                                          Spread thick batter in a greased and

2 cups sugar                                         floured 13x9x2 in pan.

1 cup vegetable oil                                Bake at 350 for 55 mins.

2 eggs

2 tsp cinnamon

2 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp salt

1 cup nuts

Hey! What's on Your Mind

" I just don't know why he doesn't get it. Why can't he understand the way I feel? "
"Well, have you told him how you feel?"
Long pause with disgusted look.
"No"
"Then why do you expect him to know how you feel if you don't tell him?" as usual having an answer but not necessarily doing it myself...hmmm as my own light bulb went off. I had an ah ha moment!
I remember this conversation vividly 30 years ago as my girlfriend and I sat in the car discussing why husbands can't or don't always seem to meet our need of the moment. It's hard to believe this was actually the solution to the "devastating" problem, but it was as simple as just sharing her thoughts with him. And believe it or not it was an ah ha moment. I guess we really believed our husbands should know how and why we feel the way we do and  be able to magically make it better and intuitively have the solution.
Now that I say that maybe that comes from the intuitive mom with eyes in back of her head. She seemed to know everything! Even the things you didn't want her to know. Was I expecting that gift to transfer to my new live in partner?
Transitioning into marriage and not realizing you just ventured into a journey of learning about a whole new way of life apart from every familiar path you came from,  knowing that mom or dad will not be there to figure things out for you AND that you just might have to hit a few bumps to get yourself into some kind of living momentum with this person can seem like an endless SAT exam.
Some of the most important lessons I've learned... (blog post)

Number 1

No one knows what you are thinking so don't expect them to know. Express yourself about how you are feeling and what you are expecting.

Now mind you I've learned  there is an art to this. You just can't spew all over every time you think someone should be listening to you. But you do have to realize that each person is unique and individual with their own perceptions of life. This can sometimes be challenging to get your point across. But if you don't try you will give that person an opportunity to come up with a perception that could be totally false. And that my friend can make you feel misunderstood, disappointed or hurt and many times cause you to slip into the bubble bath of self-pity.

I've watched my grown children and their spouses dance around issues because one or the other won't say what they really mean. Its called pleasing. The notion is.... I want to do this right. I don't want them to think --fill in the blank--about me. It's the beginner dance that is out of beat and stepping on toes. And we do it in all areas of our life...not just our marriages.

Once we get the steps down we begin to pretend we have the beat, but reality states that even moving together can  hide our true thoughts behind the beautiful ballroom mask. Over time the mask starts to slowly slip down revealing bits and pieces of our true identity.When alas! The true face comes into full view!

Things can really start to change. Yikes! And it ain't always pretty:(

So I learn to use "I" messages instead of "you always". I express myself knowing that not all people will agree with me all of the time and some of the people will some of the time. I get it that I am not always right and  there are several ways to do the same thing. Speaking out just gives an opportunity to say "you know now how I feel and what I need. Can you help?" or "what are your thoughts on that?" I learn to deal with my feelings of rejection when someone still doesn't go where I want them to. And my feelings of fear that someone might reject my opinions or ideas. I've even learned to keep my mouth shut after I have expressed my view if it doesn't bring life to a situation. O dear, I sound like I have this all figured out and I do this perfectly. Nope. I've just learned  that I matter and what I say matters. I am still learning too.

 Can I really give all the pros and cons of expressing yourself  in a nutshell of a blog? No. Life has a way of teaching each of us as if we were His only child.
All I know is that you may end up with an appliance instead of roses if you don't talk! Even Facebook wants to know "What's on your mind!"
Book resource "TrueFaced" by Bill Thrall, Bruce McNicol, and John Lynch

Some of the Most Important Lessons I've Learned

 I don't know as much about my mother and father's back ground as I would like. Every time that I tried to get some information I felt like they told me the same stories over and over. My mom played sports...she loved sports...mostly basketball...she was the peace maker in her home growing up. My dad played baseball and was in the navy. He always responded to my questions with "Why do you want to know? Are you writing a book or something"
Wellll...maybe. Fortunately, I have 4 sisters and between all of us asking questions we have a sketchy look into their upbringing and early years of marriage.

 We seem to easily remember the things that have made it into "the file of important events" in our memory cabinet but other things have to be triggered. And if you don't know the right questions to ask its like anticipating a day of shopping at the big sale and coming home empty-handed.

I have a "Mother's Legacy" book that I have been writing  in for my children and grandchildren. It has provoking questions to help me write down my life in a nutshell. So far it's been a good trigger for those memories that I've buried. Some pleasant..some not so pleasant, but all in all good for me to relive. I've had some "ah ha" moments about myself and the way I react or respond to current events in my life. And, o boy, my kids and grandkids will "get" to have a record of my oh so eventful life!

I was rather excited when I came to the page that said... Recall for me some of the most important lessons you have learned from life.

WOW really? The invisible interviewer of my book actually wants to know what I've learned the hard way. I mean come on! Who doesn't want to shout from the rooftop "I GET IT! Gather around so I can tell you what not to do!"

As I enthusiastically pondered this challenge I came up with 10 things.

So...aren't you lucky...if you are reading this you too will get to contemplate some of my life's lesson......I think I will definitely need some feedback.

Some of the most important lessons I've learned:

 1. No one knows what you are thinking, so don't expect them to know. Express yourself about how you are feeling or what you are expecting.
2. In  alot of cases some people don't have a clue if they just hurt you or offended you. Think the best of people and extend grace and forgive. You've probably done the same thing to someone.
3. God loves us soooo much. He is not trying to squelch our fun!
4. To the best of your ability make people feel welcomed and loved.
5. Some body language can be harmful to you and to others.
6.You really do reap what you sow.
7. Listen and hear what someone is really saying. It takes getting your focus off of yourself.
8. Everyone wants to be loved and accepted. Selfishness is the enemy and he wears camouflage.
9. What you call annoying can be someones insecurity.
10. Moms and dads are just people too.
Although I could come up with so many more life lessons and even have categories to file them under, these ten "commandments"encompass an array of morals to my stories and life experiences. I just might write about how I came up with each of these. Hmmm good idea, Peg. Give me 10 months to do it :)

Seize the Day!

O well, I"ve done it again. I've waited a whole 2 months to write. Where does the time go? I look at all my friend's posts and wonder "how do they find time?" Even my daughter-in-law started writing again with a new baby, not to mention my young friend who home schools her 3 boys with a baby girl on her hip. She writes everyday, I think. I am a grandmother who works part-time and no children at home. I think (I know) I waste a lot of time.
I just read my daily devotional. The title was Carpe Diem: Seize the Day! Ok so I'm trying to apply what I just read.
At age 60 an amazing thing happens. You start to ask yourself what would my bucket list consist of, what adventures can I embark on or what new thing can I try out (like writing :)) Actually, these questions have  been slowly evolving since my kids left our home 10 years ago. My husband and I turned and looked at each other for the first time after 20 years as our boys embarked on their adventure towards starting their own families.
Don't get me wrong. I knew the day was coming when my boys would fly the coop and these two turtle doves would be left wondering what happened and what to do after 20 years of being comforter, provider, question answerer, sports enthusiast, teacher, medical assistant, religious scholar, leader, public relations director, trip advisor, money manager, chauffeur, and anything else you can think of playing the all encompassing roll as a parent. We actually started praying about this when our boys were in their teen years at the prompting of comments I had heard from my older women friends about how hard it was when their children left home. And ...my husband and I had our monthly date nights to keep in touch with each other.
But its a shock when it actually happens and you realize how much time and energy you have invested in your children and family. You have fully identified yourself as MOTHER and wife and now you have become an adult friend to your children and husband. It feels very awkward.
Somehow you figure out through painful trial and error how to do it.  I have had to find out who I really am and how does a MOTHER transition into a FRIEND. And  what I am good at besides high expectations and giving advice? Hmmm I think I mentioned trying to figure that out in my 40's  in my blog post Turning 60. Parenting kept me motivated to keep learning, keep caring, keep dying to myself for the sake of those young ones. No one was born already knowing how to be a parent or any job title we choose. It was the career I chose and I wanted to be good at it.
Now it is just him and me. And guess what... you keep learning, you keep caring and you keep dying to yourself for the sake of your lover. And we are doing it together; making a bucket list, embarking on new adventures, and trying new things (like smart phones  :) ) I want to finish well and I want to be the best wife, companion and friend.

Yes! Carpe Diem! Seize the day! 

We Did It, Charlie Brown

                Welcome grandmas and grandpas, gogos and granddads, marmees and macs, omas and opas, mi mis, lu lus, ya yas, papas and pops to the first ever gorgeous grandma Christmas pageant!
                               Introducing                   26                         fabulous grandchildren!

Would you believe the gorgeous grandmas pulled off a Christmas pageant with 26 of their grandchildren, most of whom were under the age of 8? The infamous Grandma Lu Lu had a great idea to reenact the very same pageant she did so many years ago with her own children. I have to admit after the first rehearsal I wondered if Lu Lu was going to go over the edge! 15 children ranging between 2 and 6 can be a little chaotic.

We had about 4 rehearsals before the big performance running through the program at least 2 times each time. The first one always went pretty well but the second one was full of nose picking, toe nail biting, poking, pushing, wiggles, giggles and potty breaks. All in all Lu Lu stayed focus teaching and instructing on where to stand, when was your cue, singing LOUDER , and stand up, sit down.

Each grandma made sure their grandchildren had the appropriate costume for their part. Then the dress rehearsal! adorable! Shepherds and kings, Mary and Joseph, angels and stars! Tu tus and robes, gifts and staffs! Good job grandmas!

What an absolute blessing to be able to see your children's children and your very close friends children's children come together to be a community of friendships that keep on through the generations. I am so glad I started the gorgeous grandma club 6 years ago. It has kept our friendships close, our smiles big and being a grandparent quite fulfilling.

Summer Days

Ahhhhh! Summer! Lazy days, watermelon, swimming, sunburns, weekly reader, homemade ice cream and HEAT...HOT HOT HOT. Geez I remember growing up in Phx where we ran around all day with no shoes. The sidewalks were so hot they say you could fry an egg on them! But we did it anyway...skipping from yard to walk or any patch of grass we could find yelping ouch! ouch! ouch! all the way to the Circle K on the corner. It was worth it, though, looking for pop bottles we could turn into the store to buy penny candy: black licorice, bazooka, and red hot fireballs. After the clerk assessed our finds and made a fair exchange we hopped and ran home cramming as many sticks of black licorice into our mouths as we could at one time. Our teeth and tongue would be blaaaaaack! The finish line was a mad dash into the back yard and a jump into the pool. Then it was a race to see who could hold their breath the longest under water or who could swim down to the drain and back up the fastest.  At the end of the day we would come inside with sunburned shoulders and a bright red nose.
 Oooo those were the days....I sound like someones grandma! penny candy, pop bottles, weekly readers?
I can't believe how time flys. My childhood is becoming more vague as I get older and the freshest memories are when my children were little. You are a child for such a small part of your life. If we only could of grasped that then, we probably wouldn't have been in such a hurry to grow up.
The Bible tells us to come as a little child into the Kingdom of God. Why do you suppose He requests that of us? Could it be the trusting faith that a small child has and the full dependence on his guardian? Or is it the joy that comes with being  free from responsibility! Maybe its because we are wide-eyed and full of wonder, ever so curious and teachable.... Maybe its because our countenance is so adorable and peaceful...maybe its because we love unconditionally.Could it be that we are less inhibited...we will sing or dance or draw a picture with no critical afterthought.

God knew when He created us that these first years of life would be a model for us to believe, trust and love a Heavenly Father. He says He can do all things. Nothing is too difficult for Him. What is impossible with men is possible with God. He will never leave us or forsake us. Can I believe Him? The One who got down on His knees and shaped man from the dust of the earth and then breathed life into him? Every other created thing was spoken but God knelt down and formed man, then gave man his very life through His own breath.  He is the epitome of a Father. What  your earthly father was unable to give Jesus can more than give you.  Help me to be as a little child.

My children are grown but I now have grandchildren to remind me of a small child's innocent attributes. With much patience, love and just the enjoyment of delighting in their very presence, I understand more this time around about how the Father sees me. I do not get angry when my grandchildren throw a fit or don't share or look at me with that "I didn't do it" look. I just redirect and then mostly smile and think to myself about the preciousness of their very existence and their responses to my overwhelming love for them. I've built a relationship with them and they can trust me, love me and just have fun with me. I am never disappointed in their behaviour or their attempts to vie for my attention. I just plain love them. I can see the unique gifts and talents already revealing themselves through their play and interests and encourage them in that direction. It is God's beautiful opportunity to remind me of His love and relationship with me!

Matt. 19:14 "Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of heaven"
1 Kings 3:7b ... I am a little child; I do not know how to go out or come in. 3:9 Therefore give Your servant an understanding heart to judge Your people, that I may discern between good and evil."

Turning 60

This birthday I will be turning 60. Oh my! It makes me feel like a real grandma. But you know 60 is the new 40! I loved my 40's! It was the best decade of my life thus far.
I've talked to many women who didn't like turning 30, 40, 50 or 60! For me 30 was hard because at the time I was out shopping with my 16 year old niece. The body image in the mirror, as we tried on clothes,  was already manifesting its age. Ha! Ha! I laugh now. What was it I saw? It couldn't have been anything like what I see in the mirror now!
At 40 my husband threw me a surprise birthday party. The restaurant was filled with many of our long time friends and I was absolutely surprised when I walked in the door. So surprised I almost threw up. I really don't like surprises at all! Shouldn't he know that by now? Part of the party plan was to take video shots of friends sharing stories of my relationship with them over the years. When I reviewed the clips after the party  I had a shocking eye-opener! Almost every story( not all but most) were more about my husband and "Our" relationship with "Our" friends than about me and my relationships. Mrs. Introvert was there in the shadow of her Mr. Extrovert, relational, life-of-the party husband ...I love that guy! Well it opened my eyes for the good! My 40's was a decade of discovering myself and my talents. I was not going to have another birthday without me knowing who I was or without You knowing who I am, for that matter.

 By the time I turned 50 I was ready to plan my own party with 50 girlfriends, a karaoke machine and just a whole lot of fun. With the help of a couple of friends(Anita and Pam, my headlight dancin buddies) we actually pulled it off. We dressed up in 50's costume and danced and sang...just us girls, all night long.

Turning 60... I don't have any plans yet. I'm leaning more towards visiting my son in NC that week. He's having his first child in Dec. and just started a new job. I want to see my daughter-in-law in her first months of pregnancy. I want to see where they live. It's going to be hard having a long distance relationship with my newest grandchild. I haven't had to do that yet. Turning 60...I think I am more like a grandma....but I still love to dance, have fun, hang out with my girlfriends and just live life! For now... I still have 10 weeks and 3 days left to be 59! Happy dance!!!

One Million Pillow Cases

I've heard of pillow case dresses for little girls in Africa, but my gorgeous grandma friend, grandma D.(first one on the right) shared about an opportunity to send pretty pillow cases to people in Africa or to any charity you are interested in:
Visit this tutorial for supplies and step by step instructions!
:http://youtu.be/MrYWCma9wgM
Here's how we made them:

We got together one more time and made more because it was so easy and so much fun!

Good job, Gorgeous Grandmas!

The Opposite of Love is not Hate

Just because you believe something to be true does not make it true. Our culture plays an enormous role on what we decide is truth and what we decide is acceptable. Untruth plays no role in a culture of indifference.

Love is.......You fill in the blank. It would probably range from anything starting with an "a" to a "z". How about Aunt Betty, boyfriend, chocolate, dog, etc., farming, grandchildren, and so on. It is usually based on how we feel about those things. It if makes me feel good it must be love!
Is love a verb, an adjective, adverb or noun? Mmmmm maybe you would argue that it is all of them. I know one thing..it is not in itself a feeling. It certainly can bring good feelings and pain. In fact, pain is what enables us to know the incredible joy and freedom when love gives those good feelings. But love is a commitment and out of the commitment comes the
feelings.
Marriage, children, relationships in general, what's good for our bodies and minds, our community as a whole and our world can depend on how we view love.
If it is based on what makes me feel good it will run its own course only to lead to selfishness and ultimately destruction (divorce, disease, lawlessness, addiction). If it is a commitment based on caring for others and myself it will create a  freeing expression of self worth.

I don't think anyone will argue that when I choose to serve someone else or care for someone it ultimately comes back as that good feeling. But what if I have to speak into someones life who is making poor choices or withhold a privilege because someone has wandered off the path, or express my concern knowing that person will not agree and even hold it against me, then the feeling can be painful even to the point of questioning myself. Did I do the right thing, who am I to tell someone else what to do?
The check list is....  did I do it out of love?
 Love cares, love wants the best, love is ready to lay its reputation on the line, love sacrifices.
The opposite of love is indifference.(why should I get it involved, its their life, its not hurting anyone)

I'll never understand why people don't accept the sacrifice Jesus did on the cross. He did it out of love for us. Why wouldn't anyone want to trust someone who would love so much He would die?  It wasn't indifference for Him.

cupcake in a jar- a perfect valentine gift

The grandmas got together to make cupcakes in a jar. I thought it sounded quite clever and besides I have so many canning jars that I have collected over the years. I'm not doing much canning these days so why not cupcakes in a jar. Some of the reviews were quite negative...why bother...whats wrong with a cupcake liner.....who wants to take the time to go to all that trouble.
It was no trouble and in fact it was quite easy. A great idea for a valentines gift for someone you love.
There are several web sites you can go to to get all kinds of inspirations. Martha Stewart even has a cheese cake in a jar. It was my favorite.
For a cupcake in jar you will need one cake mix prepared according to directions. Icing of your choice and a canning jar. You can bake the cupcake in the jar in the oven which takes about 45 minutes at 350 or you can pop it into the microwave for 2 mins. The microwave version helps to retain the color of the cake mix and still remains moist and delicious. I prefer this method.
After the cupcake cools slightly scoop out about half of the cake. Spread icing inside the jar on top of the cake and then add the scooped out cake back in. Spread again with icing and then decorate.

This cupcake has a layer of nutella and a layer of cheese cake frosting over red velvet cake.
Attach a spoon to the side and cover with cellophane. Add a bow and you have a sweet treat for a friend.
Cupcakes can actually be mailed if they arrive in 3 days.

To make a cheese cake in a jar you need :

• 8 oz. cream cheese, room temp
• 1/2 cup of sugar
• 3 large eggs, room temp
• 4 oz. sour cream, room temp
• 1 tbl lemon juice fresh
• 1/4 tsp salt
• 1/2 cup preserves
•  graham topping- 4 graham crackers ground and 1 1/2 tbl. butter melted

Preheat oven to 325. Beat cream cheese til smooth,add sugar. Beat on high for 3mins.
add one egg at a time on low speed. Add sour cream, lemon juice, and salt. Beat for 3 mins.
Divide batter in 6- 6oz jars. Put jars in deep baking dish and add boiling water to the baking dish about half way up the jar. Put a piece of aluminum foil with 8 slits on top over jars and baking dish.
Bake for 25 mins or until center is set. Let cool. Refrigerate overnight to set.
Stir grahams and butter together and spread on baking sheet covered with parchment paper.
Cook at 325 for 10mins and let cool.

Top each cheesecake with a little more than a tbl of preserves, then graham topping. Can be refrigerated up to 4 days.

 My grandma friend "YaYa" tried making a pie in a jar. Ya Ya is an expert pie maker and suggested not to waste your time making it in a jar. Reasons why....manipulating the dough too much makes for a tough crust and not much room for the filling which makes it a crusty pie. Thanks Ya Ya for saving thousands of "ya ya's" from "pie in a jar" frustration!

All in all cupcakes in a jar are a fun way to give a unique gift to someone you love. Hey your kids and grandkids can help make them too!

tomatoes all winter long

I'm really not the best gardener. In fact, I dubbed myself the lazy gardener. I love having a garden. My favorite part...picking the fruit of my labor. "Of my labor" that's the part where I have assigned the adjective "lazy". I don't know why once you pull weeds they don't stay away, why you have to retill the ground after each harvest, and why do you have to fight with aphids and birds and other crawling kinds of things that enjoy munching on your hard work?! O yea and composting. Whats wrong with just throwing everything into a pot and leaving it? Why do you have to turn it and keep it moist? My true confessions? That's the way I do things! 

I leave my compost to do its own thing, I do pull weeds when the Spirit moves me and usually my husband is the one who tills the ground. If I have a problem with birds, I whine to my husband and bugs and things can eat as much as they like:) Hey, my garden does alright. I still am reaping tomatoes this winter.

In Arizona you can garden pretty much all year round. But I have never been able to continue to pick tomatoes in the winter. I do believe God likes me. He has prospered my garden despite my "laziness". I have had more volunteer plants(ones you don't plant yourself) come up than I know what to do with...tomatoes, flowers, melons and such. Its really quite amazing. I look out my window and smile at the garden despite my lack of care.

I wish I was more into detail, more of a person of excellence. I wish my garden was perfect so when visitors came over they would say" O My! How beautiful is your garden!" But I'm not.

 In the Song of Solomon, a book in the Bible, the garden  represents our hearts. This is a book that draws us into an understanding of our love relationship with Jesus.  In chapter 4 :16 it says" Awake, o north winds, And come o south! Blow upon my garden. That its spices may flow out. Let my beloved come to his garden and eat its pleasant fruit. "

You see, we all have a garden to keep. Its our hearts. We have weeds that need to be pulled, we have soil that needs to be tilled and we have pests that want to come in and destroy the tenderness of our fruit.

We need to feed and nurture our garden with good food so we will flourish and produce more good fruit.

Of course, the beautiful part is you can have a Master gardener who can perfect your garden even if you aren't so gifted in that area. He knows when to send the cold north winds(times of trial and testing) and when to bring the warm south winds(times of growth and fruit). He knows how to release the hidden aromas of your heart so all will reap the benefits of your fruit. He desires a place to come into your garden to sit with you and enjoy you. He delights in you! He will partner with you to create a beautiful garden! Whew! I don't have to be perfect, He is. I don't have to be all that excellent, He is! Because Jesus is jealous for you He will pursue you passionately so that He will have a place to dwell. All He desires is a volunteer lover.

"You who dwell in the gardens, the companions listen for your voice-Let me hear it! song of solomon 8:13 

Its a Mystery!

Its been 2 years ago now that I decided to have a mystery dinner for the grandma club. I went with a fairy tale mystery, "Mystery in the Library" by Stephanie Chambers taken from the web site merrimysteries.com.  This was my son's suggestion after successfully throwing his own mystery dinner.

The website gives you all the suggestions you need to make your dinner a complete success; from decorations, to costume ideas and menu items.

Each couple that was invited was given the name of a  fairy tale character and had to come to the party in costume. We had a sit down dinner of which each couple brought a delectable contribution. We had poison caramel to dip our apples in (Snow White), a main course of sausage and potatoes( Robin Hood), and a dessert cake that said "Eat Me" on it(Alice in Wonderland) just to name a few of the delicious menu items.
There was, of course, a character who committed a crime. As each  character took turns reading their part in the play and adding a little ad lib throughout the 4 course meal, clues were being revealed. At the end of the play anyone could guess who the criminal was! The correct answer took home a grand prize! Well maybe just a prize.

 

It was fun and delicious! The best part of the evening was answering the door to the surprise of seeing each of our friends who had transformed themselves into playful, magnificent fairy tale characters!

And by the way...the butler didn't do it!

Check it off the List, Please!

Who doesn't love a check list. There's something about marking off that chore, that duty, that errand, that event that is so satisfying.

When my 2 boys were little I met a woman who had 6 children. Each Sunday they would trek across the church campus all dressed alike in their Sunday best....the tallest and oldest at the front down to the little one, appropriately a girl, delicate and small compared to her 5 older brothers. . Mama duck and her ducklings following behind in waddle fashion. She was beautiful, her husband was handsome and her kids were groomed and immaculate. You couldn't help but ask "how does she do it?" Well that was a question that never was fully answered, but she did share with some of us about her infamous job board!

Definition of job board- a handmade schedule organizer with adorable pictures of jobs to be completed by each child

I dug out the old photo copies and the instructions I used to create the job board so long ago for my 2 young sons. I called my friend (archive blog post- friends that last a lifetime) and asked her if she remembered us making those boards together.

"Of course!" she said, " I've already given the photo copies to my girls and they are cleaning them up and updating them for their kids!"

Perfect! Lucky me....I was able to glean from those young girls efforts to upgrade the photos. Thank you girls!

Of course the gorgeous grandmas got together and came up with some of their own versions of the job board!

If you would like to see the tutorial on how to make the job board go to my blog list and click on my friends  blog spot "Cultivated Lives" Then click on her archives tutorial for job board!